Kerrie Murphy | August 26, 2008
DEFRAG is not what you'd call a moral crusader.
George Clooney might object to a stalker Picture: AFP
That's because most of the time, moral crusaders crusade against things such as reading American Psycho, playing violent video games and prodding old people with sticks, all of which Defrag does.
Except prodding old people with sticks, of course.
We only prod young people with sticks and then only when they are talking loudly on the train.
Usually, by the time we've left the train and sourced a decent prodding stick, the offending young people are long gone, but in our head, we gave them such a sharp prod.
So where were we? Oh that's right, crusades of the non-Indiana Jones kind, and our general opposition to them.
However, a US website that tried to raise its profile by running television ads and unveiling billboards has raised many an eyebrow and attracted a fair amount of tsks tsks and we can't say we blame them.
It's The Ashley Madison Agency, an online dating outfit for people wanting to commit adultery.
Just to show that it's all classy and stuff, the site's slogan is Life is Short. Have an Affair.
Presumably, Next to you, even the more objectionable Baldwins look a little nicer was rejected because it was too long.
It's amazing the number of things you can semi-justify if you preface it with, Life is Short.
In the same way the phrase, "I'm just saying what I think", gives you carte blanche to say mean things, noting the duration for which we are alive is a basically a licence for any abominable behaviour you care to name. Life is Short. Steal Money. Life is Short. Stalk George Clooney. Life is Short. Shoot Heroin Into Your Eye While Driving a Hummer at Top Speed, Strangling a Zebra and Being Racist.
And, it seems, it's a big thumbs-up for cheating on your partner. Apparently people were unaware of the brevity of their existence when they signed on for this relationship malarky. If only they'd thought of looking at a life expectancy table beforehand instead of putting it on the wedding gift registry.
Defrag was a little surprised to learn that not only are there dating sites catering specifically for cheating spouses, but there's enough of a market that this one has been around since 2001.
We'd just assume that's what 67 per cent of people on normal dating websites were there for, anyway.
Of course, sometimes things unfold in a way that they wouldn't in an ideal world and affairs happen.
But there's something so calculated about thinking: "Hmm, I would quite like to have an affair - now to find a suitable candidate."
Besides, it's a lot harder to possibly explain your way out of it should you get sprung and your partner doesn't buy the "but Ashley Madison is a hair replacement company" argument.
We're pretty sure, "I didn't mean it, it just happened", flies a little easier when the it is: "I was spending a lot of time with a gnome on World of Warcaft and things went on from there" and not by: "It just happened. I mean I specifically paid someone to put these events in motion, because for me, the important thing is that I wanted to be unfaithful and it didn't much matter how."
Maybe the company should consider changing its slogan to Life is Short. It May Get Considerably Shorter if You're Busted Using Us, because even if life is short, there is just no way to spin this and still look good.
TOP 10
This week:
According to the LA Times, several former tech entrepreneurs have launched their own fashion lines. Here are the top signs you're wearing geek-designed clothing.
10. Your Hawaiian shirt needs higher bandwidth.
9. Your pocket protector holds an i-Phone instead of pens/pencils.
8. At the most embarrassing possible moment, the crotch seam rips wide open.
7. It doesn't matter how good looking you are, you look like a geek.
6. The breeze around the ankle is a dead giveaway.
5. You don't know what to do with the additions and secret pockets you keep discovering.
4. If you slip your footwear off for a minute, you have to hold down the CTL-ALT-DEL keys to reboot.
3. You are cast in the movie edition of Thunderbirds, without needing a costume.
2. It has "Windows Vista" moving across it randomly when not in use.
1. Moths and other bugs appear attracted to your clothes but the vendor denies the fabric is vulnerable to bugs.
Contributors: Iain Kennedy, Julie Harris, Dwight Lemke, Chris Peachment, Carl Schodde, Keith Cundale, Don Knowles, Ian McColl and James Nelson.
Next week:
Net users have unearthed online records and archived news articles that suggest Chinese gymnasts are younger than the minimum age requirement. Send us the top 10 ways you can tell an Olympian who is lying about their age.
Answers by Thursday please to OzDefrag@Gmail.com