Kerri Murphy | October 21, 2008
THE other day, we found ourselves thinking something quite unexpected -- no, not that we should congratulate Today Tonight on an intelligent story. Because that's not happening. Ever.
Instead, we thought maybe televisions are getting too big.We know, this is sacrilegious talk. Trust Defrag, we remember the 1980s, where it was not so much the size of your TV screen that mattered, but that you had one in every room of the house.
People had 9in TV screens and the images were so tiny and lacking in clarity that when you watched The A-Team it was as if you were watching an all-bee remake. (Note to self: pitch idea of The Bee-Team ASAP. Further note to self: research the feasibility of bee mohawks).
In the end, sanity prevailed and the idea that watching TV was something you should be able to do without the aid of opera glasses gained traction.
Now Defrag is starting to wonder if the pendulum has swung so far the other way that it will bonk us on the head in a highly comical manner.
Gizmodo reports that Panasonic has developed a prototype plasma TV with a 150in screen.
Defrag doesn't really speak imperial, so to be properly shocked by this, we had to put it in context.
Roughly translated, that's a 150 Inch High Private Eye.
Then we wondered if an obscure 1970s cartoon was not a useful comparison. Instead we worked out it would be 23 Cadbury Flakes laid end to end.
To help us visualise that, we bought 23 Flakes, but before we could lay them out, there was an unfortunate eating incident we'd rather not get into. Suffice to say, we now realise that anything that measures 23 Flakes is really freaking big.
This is not necessarily a good thing. Do you really want to be watching CSI: Miami and see David Caruso's head that large?
It was bad enough seeing his bottom in NYPD Blue in the 1990s, and that was in analogue.
On a digital set that large you would be able to see every inch of smug as he pulls out his patented "dramatically put on his sunglasses to denote the awesomeness of the alleged bon mot he just dropped, when it's usually just a statement of fact" move.
And that's not to mention busting out the consoles. The writer of the article notes that when he played Call of Duty on that TV, the figures were life-size. That should not happen.
Imagine if you dozed off while playing Lego Batman and woke to the sight of a giant Lego version of the Joker grinning maniacally at you?
It would be so terrifying that you be forced to spend the rest of your days rocking back and forth in the corner repeating "Can't move. Clown will eat me". And that's no way to live.
Especially since it's estimated that the TV will cost about $US150,000 ($229,000) and gibbering mess is not the highest paying of careers. Which is unfortunate, because if the size of the TV is any indication, you will have to hire at least six people just to lift the remote.
TOP 10
A Harris Interactive study shows the mobile phone is the most important determinant of social status after clothes among US teenagers. Here are the top 10 signs your phone lacks cred.
10. It performs brilliantly at its intended purpose -- making and receiving phone calls.
9. It blocks its own caller ID because the people you call wouldn't answer if they knew you were using that phone.
8. Your teenage children would actually rather write you a letter than see you use the phone in public.
7. You could paint it red and cement it into a wall to hold your house up.
6. By definition mobile phones lack cred; everyone who's anyone has an iPhone, darling.
5. You = 15-year-old Skinny White Kid; Mobile phone from 7/11 = no worries; Mobile phone full of lollies = Loser!
4. You can use your whole fingertip, not just your nail to operate the keypad.
3. If you leave it at the bus stop, people remind you to pick it up.
2. The screensaver isn't a photo of your very best friend vomiting.
1. Its number has eight digits and an area code, and it is connected by a cord to the wall.
Contributors: Nick Smith, Edward Mallett, Keith Cundale, Thomas Mercer, Iain Kennedy, Peter K. Campbell, Angela Hanson, Stephen Bardell, John Duley and Michael Fisher
Next week: A sysadmin for the US Naval Research Laboratory has been busted with $US120,000 worth of computer equipment he "borrowed" from work. Send us the top 10 signs your neighbour has been nicking stuff from the navy. Answers by Thursday please to OzDefrag@Gmail.com.