Novel book-internet link sets scene for disaster

OCCASIONALLY, Defrag likes to kick it old school and actually read a book. Yes, we know, we know. We may as well wash our clothes with a washboard and a mangle (because in the olden days clothes could only be considered truly clean after they'd been to the sadomasochistic Hellfire Club).

But despite the obvious drawbacks - if you encounter an unfamiliar word in a book, you have to source another book to find out what it means, instead of just getting the wrong definition from the web - there are advantages.

Defrag likes to read in bed, so when Defrag Jnr wakes us up by hitting us over the head with whatever book is on the bedside table, it hurts a lot less than, say, a laptop would. Unless of course we've been foolish enough to read the hardcover edition of a weighty tome, instead of books where a cynical hard-bitten police detective, who plays by his own rules, solves a murder in Los Angeles. In which case we at least sleep-in on account of being unconscious.

However, there are people who, concerned with how the book will compete with all your newfangled, la-de-dah whiz-bangery, are looking for ways to bring it into the now.

One such now-bringer is author Clyde Ford, who while not yet famous enough to warrant an entry in Wikipedia, is, according to the Los Angeles Times, "a writer of nautical-themed thrillers who also happens to be a former IBM software engineer".

For his latest novel, Precious Cargo, Ford has combined these two skills to create On-Scene, an application on his website where users can click on a location mentioned in the book for a satellite image of the place.

This allows readers to see what the characters see, assuming that said characters are hovering several thousand metres in the air above the ground.

This is not a bad idea. Sometimes you can't really picture the place despite the author's best efforts at description, so this allows them to quickly set the scene and get on to the all-important scene in which the cynical, hard-bitten detective has breakfast at an LA diner after an all-night stakeout.

However, in embracing this technology, authors are also inviting a world of hurt for themselves.

Defrag can just imagine deciding that Catalina Island looks interesting and then wasting several hours researching holidays there, so we'd never find out if the cynical, hard-bitten detective's former flame in the FBI gives him the information he needs on the QT.

Plus, by the time a novel comes out, chances are the serene wilderness the author describes will have been turned into a gated community, making the book look dated.

And you just know that they'll get lots of angry emails from pedantic readers who say: "When you say your character turns left on Sepulveda Blvd, you clearly mean right. I hope the editors of your so-called novel were fired for not picking up such an obvious and egregious error and you not only never write again, but burn all copies of your existing books."

Although we suppose the advantage is that the author can use the same technology to work out where those readers live, go around to their house and beat them over the head with a hardcover edition of the book.

 

TOP 10

This week:
A sysadmin for the US Naval Research Laboratory has been busted with $US120,000 worth of computer equipment he "borrowed" from work. Here are the top 10 signs your neighbour has been nicking stuff from the navy.

10. The screen savers are stills from the movies Down Periscope and McHale's Navy .

9. All your personal emails and pics mysteriously appear on Facebook via the Echelon system.

8. You receive a questionnaire from the local council regarding your opinion on the construction of a dry dock in your neighbourhood.

7. Whenever you have a party to which your neighbours are not invited, a periscope emerges from their swimming pool and looks in your window.

6. Fishing trips get more interesting what with the depth charge launcher on the back of the boat.

5. His car pulses a sonar ping while reversing.

4. Their kids' toy pool submarine can dive to 5000 feet.

3. His paperweight is anchor-shaped and weighs half a ton.

2. Your neighbour's house has a flat roof with antenna and navy jets keep on mistakenly trying to land on it.

1. You haven't actually seen your neighbour or his house since he repainted it with battleship camouflage paint.

Contributors: Annem, Meagan Moloney, Chris Oaten, John Colwell, Greg Hughes, Cameron Coad, Stephen Bardell, Peter Monk, Stewart Walker and Brian Yap.

Next week: A prototype Citroen unveiled at the Paris Motor Show was originally designed for the computer game Gran Turismo. Send us the top 10 signs your car was based on a computer game one. Answers by Thursday please to OzDefrag@Gmail.com